The Sexpatriots Return to Murphy's

I am proud to announce that in one week, the Sexpatriots will be rocking Manila hard once again from the beer flowing oasis known as Murphy’s Irish Pub. You may be prone to ask, “Why will this performance be any better than the last?” Two reasons.

Reason 1: Tattoos. While some drummers are relentlessly practicing fills to a metronome and complex gua-guan-co rhythms, I am designing 1000 custom made rub on tattoos that will be distributed by waitresses to every person present whether they want one or not. Some people would consider this extreme and neither a good use of time nor money. Those people will not be at our show.

Reason 2: Original Songs. We will perform four songs of our own creation. You can rest assured these will hit the internet within hours of their live debut. I was greatly involved in writing the lyrics of two of these songs. I am proud to say that these lyrics are completely inappropriate, and may pre-maturely end any hopes I had of breaking into the world of children’s entertainment.*

* Breathe easy. I never held those hopes.

The Hammer Dance Contest

You may not believe this.

So a while ago Craig and I made a music video set to U Can’t Touch This by MC Hammer and posted it on Youtube. It has received over 20,000 hits, which we were quite pleased about. Recently, I received a message from a lady claiming to work for the Hammer (I am not lying). She said his website, (dancejam.com) was having a contest entitled “Do Your Best Hammer Dance,” and that we should enter our video. On Sunday I entered it, and in 48 hours, it has already received over 4000 views. We are in 2nd place. If we win, we get a trip to San Fran and a free dance lesson from the Hammer himself. Obviously, if this happens, I can basically retire from life on top. Go to this site below. View it. Rate it. Share it with your friends.

http://dancejam.com/contests/hammerdance/entries/1054596319-hammertime-in-manila

Living the dream

Cool Indian Activity #3: Kite Flying

Kite Fighting!: Currently in India it is kite flying season. And much like you may have read about in The Kite Runner, the kites do battle, with the winner cutting the other person's kite string. If you stand on the roof of any building at dusk, you can see about 100 kites in the air. It's unlike anything I've ever seen. The string has powdered glass glued to it so it will cut the string of your opponent. I was just learning how to fly when the kids on the next roof attacked my kite with theirs. Like a true pro, I immediately screamed like a little girl and dropped my spool. When I picked it back up and pulled like crazy, immediate jeers of laughter broke out from a third rooftop. I had somehow won! Had this been Japan, those poor kids would probably have to commit hari-kari from the shame of it all.

Cool Indian Activity #2: Pan Chewing

Sorry for the extended delay between posting Cool Indian Activity #1 and #2. I'm sure the wait has been hardly bearable.

Pan Chewing: After yet another home-cooked-Indian-meal-that-was-better-than-any-Indian-restaurant-I've-ever-been-to, the lady of the house whips out a small metal box filled with about 20 jars of brightly colored powders and crumbs, as well as four fresh green leaves. It was time to chew Pan. Sort of the Indian equivalent to Red Man chewing tobacco. She made a drug cocktail on the leaf with about 8 ingredients and rolled it into a small cone. I was not wild about chewing it. Remembering back to the first time I tried chewing tobacco, I realized that if I put this into my mouth, there was about a 60 percent chance I would vomit. All over this nice family's living room. Fortunately, there was about 6 others standing over me saying I would be much cooler if I did it. As a graduate of the DARE program in my youth (Drug Abuse Resistance Education), I immediately gave in to peer pressure. As a reader, I know you will be disappointed to hear that I did not throw up. Sorry.