I am an astronaut

I have completed space camp at Kennedy Space Center. I am now a full fledged astronaut. Here’s how the rest of it went down.

Since Disney (my former employer*) had a ride entitled “NASA: Mission to Mars” we were given a free pass to see the ride and all the rest of Epcot center. Disney makes me a bit nauseous anyway, but if you combine that with a giant centrifuge ride, I was lucky to keep all my previously eaten food where it belonged. We survived this day by finding a sports bar where we could watch the European cup while drinking overpriced beers.

The next day we had “dinner with an Astronaut” with Jon McBride, a retired space shuttle pilot. I didn’t actually see him arrive, but I like to think he either landed a fighter jet in the parking lot or just parachuted in. He gave a presentation related to why he is awesome, after which, we were able to ask questions. I was able to ask several important questions such as, “How does your training before a mission prepare you for the extremely high levels of awesomeness that you are exposed to?” He could not answer fully since that was classified. I’m pretty sure that in Houston there is an “Awesome Simulator” that most of mankind is just not ready to deal with yet.

The next day we went kayaking and I saw a manatee (a sea cow). This had nothing to do with space. It did make me realize however, that on a Florida license plate you can have either a picture of a sea cow, the space shuttle, oranges, wading birds, sea turtles, dolphins, or Hulk Hogan. In fact, most Republicans in the state claim the main reason they need to keep prison levels at capacity is just to keep up with the license plate demand.

All in all it was a highly educational week. I just got to see the notorious drummer known as Kevin Danz (and Mizzou alumni). Now I’m off to Kentucky, the land of bourbon and horses. I will do my best not to combine the two.

* I am proud to say that I worked at the ride “It’s a Small World.” Obviously, I needed the experience to strengthen my resume.

The Space Race

The Soviets are stepping up the amount of blogs they have available to the world. The Ringo Administration has responded by creating yet another blog entitled Ringo Physics. For the most part it will be a professional blog related to the teaching of physics. However, i recently posted about my time here at NASA in Cape Canaveral, Florida. Check it out. If you have any educational colleagues who might find it useful, pass it along.

Ringo in Paradise

I have just completed a week of gluttony. As you can imagine, it was awesome.

Myself and Jen, along with our co-conspirators Fred and Sandy, were fleeing to a tropical island to escape the concrete jungles of Manila. However, flights to Awesome-Island are only offered 3 days a week. So we were forced to spend a night in Cebu. A friend of mine who grew up in Manila said that Cebu was, “Very trafficky.” This is sort of like Prince labeling a party as “too freaky.” Thus, I had low expectations. However, Fred’s liver has a strange property that it acts like a divining rod. It pulled us towards a German restaurant known as The Gustavian. It specialized in sausages and every European beer known to man. Over the past year, I had been drinking mainly San Miguel beer. It’s “the only beer for building true Filipino friendships.” Upon my first sip of Boddington’s Bitter Ale my neural pleasure center overloaded and I passed out. They let me finish the rest of my beer in the ambulance.

Eventually we left and made it to Camiguin Island in the southern Philippines. The airport was a single concrete building and received one flight every other day, so as not to overuse the awesomeness. The tiny volcanic island could be circumnavigated via road in about 2 hours. For comparison, Manila can be circumnavigated in about 2 weeks. Our first major activity was to immerse ourselves in every form of water on the island. We hired a driver to take us to the natural hot springs, cold springs, and bubbling springs around the island. Then we did some snorkeling on the “sunken cemetery” that slid into the ocean during the last eruption. This proved to be very disappointing, as we saw no ghosts, dead people, or even tombstones.

The next day we tempted fate by celebrating Jen’s 30th birthday on top of a volcano at sunset. Sandy had smuggled champagne onto the island by claiming it was “medicinal.” We poured a bit out to appease the volcano gods, so no eruption occurred. Unfortunately, the true eruption occurred the following day from Fred’s anus. Several aftershocks were also occurring, so Fred could not join the rest of us on the motorbike ride around the island. We discovered that amazingly, 60,000 people live on the island, and 45,000 of them are children. They speak English pretty well, but are extremely partial to the phrase, “Hello friend!” I have never waved to so many people since my Presidential candidacies in’96 and 2000.

And now I’m back in the US! Currently, I am all tanned and rested, and on my way to Space Camp at Kennedy Space Center. I’ll be sure to update you on this latest step for all of mankind.

The Award Tour (with Muhammad my Man?*)

It’s time for you all to hate me. That’s right, you suckers in the business world: now is the time when I traipse across the globe on two months of paid vacation. School’s out for summer!!! Check out the award tour schedule to see if any stops are coming to a venue near you.

The Award Tour
• June 7: Manila Grad Ceremony
I receive my Master’s Degree from the State University of New York. You’ll notice my vocabulary has now become really really really really really big.

• June 8-14: Tropical Island Decompression
Jen and I and company will head to a tiny tropical island in the Philippines known as Camiguin to celebrate how awesome we are, and to celebrate the importation of single malt scotches.

• June 15: One in St. Louis.
This is much like “One Night in Bangkok,” as made famous by Murray Head.

• June 16-27: NASA Space Camp in Florida
I attend Kennedy Space Center with other science teachers to learn about outer space. My expectations are high. I’ll let you all know if I get to ride that kick-ass centrifuge ride. An unheard of Kevin Danz / Orlando sighting may occur.

• June 27 – July 2: Lexington, KY
I get to see my nephew Fernando Dingrando for this first time!! Obviously he will be the smartest and best looking zero-year-old on the planet. I’ll hang out with my brother and sister-in-law until they kick me out.

• July 3-4: Marion, IL
A Return to the homelands!

• July 5-9: TBA
Perhaps KC or Columbia, MO, or the Lou. Need to see some VIP’s in all these places.

• July 9 – 15: Rocky Mountains, CO
Mountains!!!!! My heart doctor, if I had one, recommends this. Also will rendezvous with Jen here. Then I will also do some kick-ass mountaineering. I am nearly as excited about this as I am about space camp and seeing Fernando.

• July 18-26
RAGBRAI bike ride across Iowa. This will kick ass. I’m told this is a guarantee. I don’t doubt it. 10,000 bikers can’t be wrong.

• July 29: Back home.

*Special thanks to A Tribe Called Quest for the title of this post