Rocking Myself into Exile

Last night my band rocked so hard that Manila said, "We cannot contain you. Get out." I did not need to be told twice, hence this comes to you via Seoul airport.

We rocked especially hard because.............
- My friend Keith joined in on harmonica, and he is a bad ass harmonica player. I mean, he has multiple harmonicas that he removes from a sheath in a similar manner to when Voltron draws his sword before slaying some blood curdling alien beast.
- The magazine article came out! The Sexpatriots were given a two page article in Expat Travel and Leisure, complete with a gratuitious amount of pictures and quotes. Yes, you will all receive autographed copies for Xmas. i know that's what you want.
- We played 3 sets (instead of the normal 2) because we are long, strong, and down to get the friction on. Some guy even bought us all beers. Yes, the bar gives us free drinks anyway, but it's the thought that counts. And yes, it also would have been more awesome if it was some smokin' hot female who bought us drinks, but we're still working on attracting that demographic.

My Cristal Life - The Music Video

Say what you want about me, but don’t claim that I don’t put out. Here is my 6th major music video production in 3 years. This one is extra special as it is an original song by my band, The Sexpatriots. Patrick wrote the song. I helped with the lyrics (as will become obvious when you hear it).


You’d like to watch the other videos again? Of course you would!
Sabotage 2008
You Spin Me Round 2008
U Can’t Touch This 2007 Unfortunately this was removed for copyright violation. ☹
Bebot 2007
Thriller 2007


If you can afford the flight, we hope to see you at our last gig before summer holidays this Friday night, June 5th, at Murphy’s Pub.

Ringo on Vocals

While I did excel at being a scuba warrior, my true calling is to be a rockstar. At our latest pub performance, I was even allowed to do vocals on a song that’s a favorite of everyone who is awesome: The Distance by Cake. This was my first attempt at vocals, so keep your expectations low. Plus, I’m playing drums at the same time. Easier said then done.

The Sexpatriots Return to Murphy's

I am proud to announce that in one week, the Sexpatriots will be rocking Manila hard once again from the beer flowing oasis known as Murphy’s Irish Pub. You may be prone to ask, “Why will this performance be any better than the last?” Two reasons.

Reason 1: Tattoos. While some drummers are relentlessly practicing fills to a metronome and complex gua-guan-co rhythms, I am designing 1000 custom made rub on tattoos that will be distributed by waitresses to every person present whether they want one or not. Some people would consider this extreme and neither a good use of time nor money. Those people will not be at our show.

Reason 2: Original Songs. We will perform four songs of our own creation. You can rest assured these will hit the internet within hours of their live debut. I was greatly involved in writing the lyrics of two of these songs. I am proud to say that these lyrics are completely inappropriate, and may pre-maturely end any hopes I had of breaking into the world of children’s entertainment.*

* Breathe easy. I never held those hopes.

First Ever Video Footage of the Sexpatrtiots

Here is the song "Play That Funky Music." You may find it a bit long, but i recommend you check out the keyboard solo by James.


This is just a portion of the song, "Summer of 69."

The Sexpatriots Conquer Manila

I am extremely excited to announce that the Sexpatriots will now be performing on a regular monthly basis at Murphy’s Bar!

As the announcement above implies, our first entirely public performance was a huge success. We played two sets, 15 songs in total. At no point were bottles thrown at the stage, nor were there cries for lower volume. I take that as a huge positive. On the other hand, no ladies were throwing their clothing on stage, nor were there cries for more volume. That’s too bad. We will discuss how to rectify that at our next rehearsal.

The manager of Murphy’s reported that she was well pleased with our performance and would now like us to play again in January, and then monthly after that. Obviously all of Manila loves us. Some would argue that since we bring a crowd of at least 30 wealthy expatriate friends with us to a performance, it doesn’t matter what we sound like. That may be true, and I have no problem with that.

If any of you overseas readers would like to hire The Sexpatriots for your private functions, see the associated costs below. The band fee can be slightly reduced in exchange for a raise in drink allowance.
Estimated International Airfare for 5 $10,000
Drink bill $200
Band Fee $85

Total $10,285

(I am currently working on getting a video clip on you tube.)

Unemployment Rocks Hard

All five members of our band, The Sexpatriots, have now been officially fired from our school. This ensures that our sole means of income will be our gig tonight, and that we are professional musicians. Keep in mind that by “official,” I mean I had a conversation with Steve (the assistant superintendant and bass player) that went like this…

Me: “Hey Steve. You should fire us all now.”
Steve: “Ok. Done.”

I don’t know if that will stand up in a court of law. Let’s hope it doesn’t have to.

Some bands spend the time before big performances endlessly checking sound and stage logistics. This is wrong, as it takes away from your spontaneity and stage presence. Instead, I have been practicing autograph signing and tossing my sticks into the crowd without injuring people. Our guitarist, Pat, has been working on smashing a guitar, on the off chance that immediately after the show, someone will toss him a guitar and say, “Here is a cheap guitar that I bought specifically so you can smash it! Please do so!” Our keyboardist James is shopping on the internet for a “keytar*,” partially because it would be awesome, and partially because our financial future is looking better and better. Read on to discover why.

Keep an eye to the web so you don’t miss signing up for our internet based fan club. Actually, you won’t really need to, as just by reading this blog, you are automatically registered (as is your financial info). Hope you are looking forward to receiving those holiday coffee mugs emblazoned with “Sexpatriotism Is Not a Crime” and “Santa is a Sexpatriot.” Thanks for your donation. It is tax deductible. (As far as I know.)

* Yes, that is a keytar in the photo. No, that is not our keyboardist.

Sexpatriots Declare They Will Turn Pro

The Sexpatriots have logged another successful performance. Bear in mind that I consider any performance where we no one’s ears to bleed to be a success. However, after performing at my school’s “Foam Party,” we consider the crowd reaction to be a positive. We only did a short set, but we were well pleased.

This weekend however, I will officially become a professional musician. The Oxford unabridged dictionary defines a professional musician as “one who earns a living predominantly through the means of musical performance.” As of Saturday, when The Sexpatriots perform at Murphy’s bar, we will fit this definition.

“How?” you may ask. Good question. My friend and bass player Steve is the Assistant Superintendant of ISM. I don’t really know what his defined duties at my school are, but I’m pretty sure he has the power to fire people.* Just before we perform this weekend, I’ll have Steve fire us all. Thus, we’ll have no income except for what’s coming from the gig. Viola. We’ll be pros. Assuming no major record contracts sign us after the performance, I’ll probably ask Steve to rehire us.

The Sexpatriots have recently made leaps and bounds into the world of quality recording. There is a 50% chance I’ll be able to get a quality video AND sound recording of a few select songs. In which case, there is a 100% chance you’ll see that short clip on you tube.

* I personally fire my colleagues all the time. However, this is not legally binding.

Sexpatriotism Leads in the Polls!!

I am just about to head to my second live performance with my band, The Sexpatriots. My friends Neil and Boston are hosting a party known as ROKtoberfest. It will be a combination of quality beer and quality rock. The attire is either “old-school German lederhosen” or “rock-star.” I have cleverly combined the two. That is me in the picture. Yes, the beard is real.

The Sexpatriots have expanded our repertoire to a possible 11 songs. And in all honesty, as people explore the quality beer aspect of the party more and more, we may do the first couple songs over again, and make it a baker’s dozen.

In other exciting news, next month we have been booked for our first completely public gig, at a local pub here in Manila. Not only do we get to play for strangers, but the bar is giving us free drinks. And just in case this post couldn’t get any more ridiculous, let me throw in the fact that bar will also pay us. In cash*.

Yes indeed. It is a strange and awesome world that we live in.

* I don’t want to imply that paying in cash is outside the norm here in Manila. It’s not like most bars pay their entertainment with livestock. I’m just implying it is rare for me personally to be paid in cash to play music.

Sexpatriots Mania Sweeps Manila!

The Sexpatriots in Awesometown. From left to right are Patrick, Steve, Jen (special guest performer), myself, Mike, and James


It is safe to say that I will not be invited to dinner by any of my neighbors. While Jen and I received no formal complaints from them, the neighboring tenants of Crown Tower could not have been overly pleased to listen to the sounds of about 100 people and the booming sound of The Sexpatriots.

Our first performance was a huge success, and I have received nothing but rave reviews. However, as a rule of thumb, when you put on a party and supply all the drinks, and then ask people how much they like you, you should expect positive responses. But I’ll take compliments wherever I can find them. We played six songs, all covers, and I’m pretty sure people could even tell what songs they were supposed to be. As a bonus, Jen even sang as special guest in the song Business Time. She knew all the words, since she has had to listen to us rehearse all the time.

Our next performance will be in just over a week, at a friend’s birthday party. In fact, most of the people who saw us last night will be the same people who will be at the birthday party. This is slightly problematic because we don’t really know any more songs. No matter. We’ll adjust the lighting, play the songs in a different order, and wear sunglasses. It’ll be a whole new world.

The Sexpatriots' Debut

Tomorrow night is the debut of my band The Sexpatriots*. The original idea was to have a small gathering of people at my place to hear the band, and have a few drinks. Fortunately though, Wednesday has been declared a national holiday here in the Philippines, and none of my friends and colleagues have to go to work that morning. Thus, the number of people showing up has escalated exponentially. I’m pretty sure half of Manila will be in attendance.

We’ve been practicing weekly at my condo, due to the wonderful world of technology. I play my sweet electronic Yamaha drum kit, while our keyboardist, singer, guitarist, and bass player all plug into my equally sweet Mackie Mixer. This cacophony of sound is then pumped into my not quite so sweet headphone amplifier, which we all plug into so as to hear ourselves, and at the same time, not annoy my neighbors. However, we can no longer keep this sound under the proverbial basket. Thus, we’ve borrowed some massive Bose speakers from our school, and are now ready to put out. We even had our first noise complaint from a neighbor at rehearsal last night, so I guess that means we are the real thing.

I’d like to dedicate this performance to my friend and financial advisory, Kevin Danz, pictured above. Without those three hours we spent playing old drum cadences and drinking high quality wine this summer, I would never have been convinced to invest so wisely in all my sweet new sound equipment. Student loans can wait. I suggest you all contact him about something you are thinking of buying, but can’t quite pull the trigger.

• There were several other name suggestions for the band, and The Sexpatriots was the most appropriate of them all.

PS: The latest music video is nearly complete. Stay tuned for YouTube action.