All five members of our band, The Sexpatriots, have now been officially fired from our school. This ensures that our sole means of income will be our gig tonight, and that we are professional musicians. Keep in mind that by “official,” I mean I had a conversation with Steve (the assistant superintendant and bass player) that went like this…
Me: “Hey Steve. You should fire us all now.”
Steve: “Ok. Done.”
I don’t know if that will stand up in a court of law. Let’s hope it doesn’t have to.
Some bands spend the time before big performances endlessly checking sound and stage logistics. This is wrong, as it takes away from your spontaneity and stage presence. Instead, I have been practicing autograph signing and tossing my sticks into the crowd without injuring people. Our guitarist, Pat, has been working on smashing a guitar, on the off chance that immediately after the show, someone will toss him a guitar and say, “Here is a cheap guitar that I bought specifically so you can smash it! Please do so!” Our keyboardist James is shopping on the internet for a “keytar*,” partially because it would be awesome, and partially because our financial future is looking better and better. Read on to discover why.
Keep an eye to the web so you don’t miss signing up for our internet based fan club. Actually, you won’t really need to, as just by reading this blog, you are automatically registered (as is your financial info). Hope you are looking forward to receiving those holiday coffee mugs emblazoned with “Sexpatriotism Is Not a Crime” and “Santa is a Sexpatriot.” Thanks for your donation. It is tax deductible. (As far as I know.)
* Yes, that is a keytar in the photo. No, that is not our keyboardist.
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