Ringo on Vocals

While I did excel at being a scuba warrior, my true calling is to be a rockstar. At our latest pub performance, I was even allowed to do vocals on a song that’s a favorite of everyone who is awesome: The Distance by Cake. This was my first attempt at vocals, so keep your expectations low. Plus, I’m playing drums at the same time. Easier said then done.

The Sexpatriots Return to Murphy's

I am proud to announce that in one week, the Sexpatriots will be rocking Manila hard once again from the beer flowing oasis known as Murphy’s Irish Pub. You may be prone to ask, “Why will this performance be any better than the last?” Two reasons.

Reason 1: Tattoos. While some drummers are relentlessly practicing fills to a metronome and complex gua-guan-co rhythms, I am designing 1000 custom made rub on tattoos that will be distributed by waitresses to every person present whether they want one or not. Some people would consider this extreme and neither a good use of time nor money. Those people will not be at our show.

Reason 2: Original Songs. We will perform four songs of our own creation. You can rest assured these will hit the internet within hours of their live debut. I was greatly involved in writing the lyrics of two of these songs. I am proud to say that these lyrics are completely inappropriate, and may pre-maturely end any hopes I had of breaking into the world of children’s entertainment.*

* Breathe easy. I never held those hopes.

First Ever Video Footage of the Sexpatrtiots

Here is the song "Play That Funky Music." You may find it a bit long, but i recommend you check out the keyboard solo by James.


This is just a portion of the song, "Summer of 69."

The Sexpatriots Conquer Manila

I am extremely excited to announce that the Sexpatriots will now be performing on a regular monthly basis at Murphy’s Bar!

As the announcement above implies, our first entirely public performance was a huge success. We played two sets, 15 songs in total. At no point were bottles thrown at the stage, nor were there cries for lower volume. I take that as a huge positive. On the other hand, no ladies were throwing their clothing on stage, nor were there cries for more volume. That’s too bad. We will discuss how to rectify that at our next rehearsal.

The manager of Murphy’s reported that she was well pleased with our performance and would now like us to play again in January, and then monthly after that. Obviously all of Manila loves us. Some would argue that since we bring a crowd of at least 30 wealthy expatriate friends with us to a performance, it doesn’t matter what we sound like. That may be true, and I have no problem with that.

If any of you overseas readers would like to hire The Sexpatriots for your private functions, see the associated costs below. The band fee can be slightly reduced in exchange for a raise in drink allowance.
Estimated International Airfare for 5 $10,000
Drink bill $200
Band Fee $85

Total $10,285

(I am currently working on getting a video clip on you tube.)

Sexpatriots Declare They Will Turn Pro

The Sexpatriots have logged another successful performance. Bear in mind that I consider any performance where we no one’s ears to bleed to be a success. However, after performing at my school’s “Foam Party,” we consider the crowd reaction to be a positive. We only did a short set, but we were well pleased.

This weekend however, I will officially become a professional musician. The Oxford unabridged dictionary defines a professional musician as “one who earns a living predominantly through the means of musical performance.” As of Saturday, when The Sexpatriots perform at Murphy’s bar, we will fit this definition.

“How?” you may ask. Good question. My friend and bass player Steve is the Assistant Superintendant of ISM. I don’t really know what his defined duties at my school are, but I’m pretty sure he has the power to fire people.* Just before we perform this weekend, I’ll have Steve fire us all. Thus, we’ll have no income except for what’s coming from the gig. Viola. We’ll be pros. Assuming no major record contracts sign us after the performance, I’ll probably ask Steve to rehire us.

The Sexpatriots have recently made leaps and bounds into the world of quality recording. There is a 50% chance I’ll be able to get a quality video AND sound recording of a few select songs. In which case, there is a 100% chance you’ll see that short clip on you tube.

* I personally fire my colleagues all the time. However, this is not legally binding.