The Sexpatriots Return to Murphy's

I am proud to announce that in one week, the Sexpatriots will be rocking Manila hard once again from the beer flowing oasis known as Murphy’s Irish Pub. You may be prone to ask, “Why will this performance be any better than the last?” Two reasons.

Reason 1: Tattoos. While some drummers are relentlessly practicing fills to a metronome and complex gua-guan-co rhythms, I am designing 1000 custom made rub on tattoos that will be distributed by waitresses to every person present whether they want one or not. Some people would consider this extreme and neither a good use of time nor money. Those people will not be at our show.

Reason 2: Original Songs. We will perform four songs of our own creation. You can rest assured these will hit the internet within hours of their live debut. I was greatly involved in writing the lyrics of two of these songs. I am proud to say that these lyrics are completely inappropriate, and may pre-maturely end any hopes I had of breaking into the world of children’s entertainment.*

* Breathe easy. I never held those hopes.

Team Ingrate Rocks Iowa Hard

After a relatively short day on the RAGBRAI, we pulled into the town of Ames, Iowa, home of the Iowa State Cyclones, and by far the largest town we would see. We quickly showered up so we could sit around the Budweiser cooler and talk about how awesome we all were. As a special bonus, some of Andrew's friends and Iowa State Alumni came into town to add to the belligerence.

Our night started fantastically due to the fact that our new friend Rick-a-saurus had a rap album in his car by none other than the Macho Man Randy Savage. Even if you as a reader have only 2 days left to live, make sure you spend one of those days looking for the song “My Perfect Friend,” by the Macho Man*.

Team Ingrate (as the younger members of Team Harold are referred to) represented the team especially well in the bars of Ames. Our main activity was the distribution of Team Harold tattoos, which we excelled at. The conventional way to apply these is to wet the paper backing while pressing the tattoo to skin. However, word quickly spread that these tattoos could only be applied if they were licked on. Any newcomer to the bar would have thought they had walked in to a 1965 acid rave. Andrew and I then topped the evening off with a stunning rendition of Bon Jovi on the karaoke stage. RAGBRAI and Ames loved us.

Based on the previous evening’s activities, the following day’s ride was a struggle. Only about half of team ingrate managed to be involved in the ride, and I’m happy to say I made the entire route.

Only 3 more days left through the great sea of corn.


* For those of you who are unenlightened, this is about “Mr. Perfect” Curt Henning, who apparently, is no longer with us. 