The Worm

I can do the worm.

You’re probably thinking, “No shit Ringo. You own multiple capes, a bunny suit, and can make balloon animals. Of course you can do the worm.” But you’re wrong. I just learned how. The best part is that I have an understudy.

This all began when my school needed faculty with no shame to perform a comedic dance at halftime of some function. I volunteered. So did 3 others. They backed out when they learned I was leaving and could not be fired. I said, “%$#@ you guys. I’ll solo break dance, if I need to.” They said fine.

I can’t break dance. I can do the monster dance from Thriller, but that’s not break dancing. So I started where any self respecting white-guy-who-teaches-in-the-‘burbs would start. I practiced doing the worm. It’s not easy. It takes nerve. When your roommate comes upstairs and sees you writhing around on the ground, apparently dry humping a sleeping bag, you have to be able to hold your head up off the ground and say, “I’m practice the worm, dammit. Backoff.” Eventually, the training wheels came off.

But, much like Apollo Mission 18, the school break dancing performance was scrapped. I was fully trained with no audience. Thank God for the internet.

I now do the worm at every opportunity. At work, picnics, clubs, bar mitzvahs. My latest gig is tutoring. Below are two quick videos. You’ll see me, and my first student Kieran. He’s only two. I didn’t start until age 29. Look out Alphonso Ribiero*.

Young grasshopper learns

Show me paint the fence!

* Alphonso was the “break dancing Michael Jackson as a child” in an 80’s Pepsi commercial. He also starred with Ricky Schroeder (aka my roommate, Andrew) in Silver Spoons.