Family Time in the Dirty South

That's my nephew Leo. He's destined for great things, especially when that incredibly loud drum set that i ordered for him arrives. It's called the "The Sanity Destroyer." It is given a consumer report rating of 5 stars by uncles who don't live in the same country as their nephews, and a rating of -1 stars by parents.

I was recently hanging out with Leo, and my brother and sister-in-law (Jeff and Kelly) in Lexington, Kentucky. My role was to teach Leo sweet WWF style wrestling moves. This consisted of pushing the air-mattress and couches together and then tossing Leo off the top turn buckle. I found this was best done just before bedtime. The key was to wind the little guy up to a level known as "delirious with hysteria" and then turn him over to Jeff and Kelly and walk out the door with my hands raised up in victory.

It is currently undetermined whether i will be invited back to Lexington in the future.

Off to my birth place, and then a date with the St. Lunatics.

A Horse Ride in Kentucky

Since space camp I have had my computer confiscated by those ass-heads at Best Buy. Don’t even get me started on those Nazis. Thus I have been extremely limited on my reporting for the good of mankind. To flash back to when I had computing power, I was in Lexington, Kentucky to see my brother and sister-in-law. Of equal importance, if not more, I saw for the first time my 10 month old nephew Fernando. His name is Fernando Dingrando because it rolls off the tongue nicely. Until those hardliners at Best Buy give me my computer back, this only contains of a picture of what my nephew, Fernando, sort of looks like in my imagination, not as my camera/computer actually documents. I apologize, but vent your rage at Best Buy.

I am an astronaut

I have completed space camp at Kennedy Space Center. I am now a full fledged astronaut. Here’s how the rest of it went down.

Since Disney (my former employer*) had a ride entitled “NASA: Mission to Mars” we were given a free pass to see the ride and all the rest of Epcot center. Disney makes me a bit nauseous anyway, but if you combine that with a giant centrifuge ride, I was lucky to keep all my previously eaten food where it belonged. We survived this day by finding a sports bar where we could watch the European cup while drinking overpriced beers.

The next day we had “dinner with an Astronaut” with Jon McBride, a retired space shuttle pilot. I didn’t actually see him arrive, but I like to think he either landed a fighter jet in the parking lot or just parachuted in. He gave a presentation related to why he is awesome, after which, we were able to ask questions. I was able to ask several important questions such as, “How does your training before a mission prepare you for the extremely high levels of awesomeness that you are exposed to?” He could not answer fully since that was classified. I’m pretty sure that in Houston there is an “Awesome Simulator” that most of mankind is just not ready to deal with yet.

The next day we went kayaking and I saw a manatee (a sea cow). This had nothing to do with space. It did make me realize however, that on a Florida license plate you can have either a picture of a sea cow, the space shuttle, oranges, wading birds, sea turtles, dolphins, or Hulk Hogan. In fact, most Republicans in the state claim the main reason they need to keep prison levels at capacity is just to keep up with the license plate demand.

All in all it was a highly educational week. I just got to see the notorious drummer known as Kevin Danz (and Mizzou alumni). Now I’m off to Kentucky, the land of bourbon and horses. I will do my best not to combine the two.

* I am proud to say that I worked at the ride “It’s a Small World.” Obviously, I needed the experience to strengthen my resume.