Thus far, after completing 3 days of riding across the state of Iowa, I have come to the conclusion that people on the Tour de France are doing things completely wrong. Those clowns ride like crazy while drinking water and gatorade and munching on power bars and energy goo. I have also learned, to my horror, that once they start in the morning, Tour riders do not stop until the end of the day. That's dumb.
Here in Iowa, we start early. After about 5 miles, we then stop for coffee. After another 7 miles, you stop for a breakfast burrito and a banana. Then you high five some kids in a small town, before you go visit Mr. Porkchop. Mr. Porkchop is an old guy who serves porkchops and yells "AAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!" at passing bikers. He serves no side dishes. Your meal consists of a giant porkchop. By about 2 or 3 pm, the budwesier beer tent usually comes into sight. Finally, i like to roll into town about 3 or 4 and then sit around and talk with my team about how awesome we are.
We recently have landed at Ames, Iowa, which is by far the biggest town we've seen so far. I imagine that, against all better judgement, we will go big tonight to mentally prepare ourselves for a repeat performance tomorrow.
3 comments:
Ringo,
I suggest that if your rump hurts from riding, you purchase an extra chop and sit on it. The meat will tenderize your raw butt. Plus, ALL the ladies will be attracted to your natural hickory musk.
Fargo
all i know is the highlights of your trip better include a tribute to your "Perfect Friend"
That's the way to do it. Hehe.
Excellent title by the way.
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