U Can't Touch This

Here's our latest video, I hope you all enjoy.



if this doesn't work, try
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fk31DTtP4_4

Back on a Horse named Marathon

It’s like the old saying goes, “If at first you try to run, but then break your foot whilst photographing a gecko; try, try again.”

So I’m going to attempt, once again, to run a marathon. This one happens in Singapore on Dec. 2,(see The Singapore Marathon) and should be a sizable affair. I expect there will be over 30,000 people there. Yes, surprisingly enough, there are that many people who think running that far along the equator in 100% humidity is a good idea.

Training has begun already. I’ve been running with the high school cross country team a good bit and keeping up pretty well. My formerly broken foot seems to be pretty close to normal. I’ve also been staying away from geckos.

Fortunately, Jen will venture to Singapore with me for the Marathon. She will cheer me on and look into ordering Singapore Slings immediately after the race. I don’t know what that drink is, but odds are I’ll have one. A few other colleagues from my school will also be competing in the race.

A little known fact about Manila: Of the 12,345 major-world-metropolises, Manila is currently ranked 12,343rd* as best place to train for a marathon, based on its available open spaces, traffic, pedestrian paths, and air quality.

* 12,344th is Baghdad; 12,345th is the Lost City of Atlantis

My Nephew Fernando

I am an uncle! I would like to thank my Brother Jeff and Sister-in-law Kelly for bestowing this title upon me. Aunt Jen says the same.

I hope you're able to see the picture above of Jeff, Kelly, and Fernando. I wish I knew who took that shot.

Just a couple of days ago, on Sept. 1, little Fernando Dingrando was born at somewhere between 5 and 10 pounds. His true name has not yet been divulged, so he will be known as Fernando until I hear otherwise. Actually, probably longer. One of my students actually suggested Alexandro Dingrando as a more exotic possibility. I almost like that better, but I didn’t think of it, so it gets 2nd place.

Jen and I are immediately diverting our attentions to buying ridiculous shit for the little tyke. Mainly Halloween costumes. It is our goal to supply him with enough costumes in enough sizes to last him until he’s 16. I’m currently having a pink bunny suit* tailor made for a zero-year-old. It will say on it, “My Uncle went to Manila and all I got was this ridiculous pink bunny suit.”

Hong Kong Fooey

I have seen the future, and it is Hong Kong.

Jen and I made use of our long weekend (Happy Nino Aquino day everyone!) by traveling to Hong Kong. It is an ass-kicking city. Here’s why.

• Trains! First go underground about 15 stories and hope the sea doesn’t come in. Then buy a magical pass (called an Octopus card) that you keep in your wallet. Third, just wave your wallet at the turnstile as you go through.* Then you get on the train and go to a new magical place. You can even use your card to buy things at 7-11.
• Big Buddha! Take the train out to beautiful countryside and see a huge metal Buddha the size of Optimus Prime. You can also burn incense the size of a baseball bat.
• Giant Escalator! I dig moving walkways of all sorts. When I learned that it is a means of commuting to work in Hong Kong, I nearly applied for a working visa. It’s got to be almost a mile long. It flows down from the hills in the morning, and then reverses in the pm to get drunken businessmen home.
• Halloween Street: We found a street full of wigs, costume jewelry, and disco balls. All with negotiable prices. Jen and I would have cleared all the shelves if we weren’t trying to pay off our honeymoon. Good thing I swapped my watch for a giant disco ball.
• Conveyer Belt Sushi: This isn’t unique to Hong Kong, but you can’t help but love it when food comes to you on a conveyor belt. Special music from an old cartoon plays in my head whenever I see this.

Now I have another long weekend to celebrate my friend’s 40th birthday. Whoot whoot! Ask me about the Fredstock 2007 Toga Celebration in case I forget to tell you. It’ll be big.

* Given another day, I was considering an experiment where I would swallow my octopus card and then hump the turnstile for entrance. Despite the comedic value of this, time did not allow.

Thriller Mania in Cebu

Thanks to the MANY who have brought this Philippine awesomeness to my attention. Check out the dancing inmates of Cebu city (south of Manila).



if this doesn't work, paste this into browswer....
http://youtube.com/watch?v=hMnk7lh9M3o

Apparently, the warden had the idea to introduce the dancing. Here’s a news story that covers it (poor sound).

http://youtube.com/watch?v=UWf3y6r0kmA

wow wow wow. The internet has done so much for this world.

A Mosquito Gang Bang

Wow. How 'bout that for a title?

So far me and Jen's honeymoon in the Canadian Rockies has met expectations of awesomeness.

Most recently we witnessed the Calgary Stampede, which is like moving Texas up north and removing the drawl. Why have i never been to a rodeo till now? My life was previously empty. Strapping crazy people to large angry animals is probably the closest thing we'll ever to see to Roman Colosseum type activities.* I also bought an Elvis Belt buckle which i will wear every day to school until they make me stop.

Before that I took Jen on her first backpacking trip in Banff national Park. And as the title of this post says, it was indeed a Mosquito gang bang. Few people now the life cycle of a mosquito. Here it is.
1. During end of summer, mosquito's lay eggs in water.
2. Water freezes on top. Eggs hatch below.
3. While water is frozen, mosquitoes get dirty, and create baby mosquitoes.
4. Baby mosquitoes repeat step 3, until water thaws next summer. This is a long time in Canada.

By the time Jen and I hiked into Banff, these 3-bizillion inbred blood starved mosquitoes were ready to violate us in ways i can't even talk about. Other than that, Banff is an awesome park. we saw really cool stuff.

Global warming is a real issue my friends. I think a couple of dinosaur-age-mosquitoes laid eggs underneath Antarctica. And thus those mosquitoes have been humping and starving for about 1 million years. When they thaw out, lord help the kiwis, Australians, and Chileans. They'll be like the people eaten by waves of jungle ants in that awesome episode of Macgyver. Nothing but bones. (more like a deflated, bloodless sack in this case)

However, Jen still really enjoyed the backpacking trip, and still likes me. This is a sign of her awesomeness.

* Ringo does not endorse the feeding of Christians (or any religions) to wild animals.

Like MacArthur, I'm coming back

Back to the US tomorrow! Woooooooooooooo!

I will………
• Eat McDonald’s breakfast sandwiches
• Drink American beer
• Breathe clean air
• Go to a baseball game, and listen to games on the radio
• Run on streets without fearing for my life
• See friends and family.
and most of all, get married.

not necessarily in that order.

Bebot - The Video

You've all been waiting. The long awaited third video by Ringo and Craig. To the music of the Blackeyed Peas, I present, Bebot



if this doesn't work, paste this into your browser.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4g3r0xRjQjs

Podcasting Like a Flock of Whales

Unlike my younger brother*, I have a face for radio. Thus I’m taking a break from all of my calendar shoots and music video making to enter the world of podcasting. Since the telephone is not my favorite medium, and I haven’t been calling any of you much, you probably miss the sound of my voice. In fact, there’s no probably about it, I’m sure you miss my voice. Good news my sad friends. I’m on the web. Check it out.

The Prophet Ringo speaks!!!

If this is successful, I’m told I can set it up so that your ipod automatically downloads my newest podcast. This way, you can listen to me during your morning commute so as not to miss any important Ringo announcements.

* He claims he can be seen on Channel 7, “The Spirit of Missouri.”

Hammertime at Scubataha

Ahoy me hearties! I can speak like this because I’ve been at sea. I certainly haven’t been at sea this whole time (since my last blog entry), but I was winded since making that Thriller Video.

Why have I been at sea? Glad you asked. Jen and I (and 18 other teacher friends) were on the scuba expedition of a lifetime. You know it was life changing, because my friend Fred and I made t-shirts to commemorate the event. And we got tattoos that match the t-shirts.

We flew to the island of Palawan (known for monkeys that do naughty things in public) and then boarded the Stella Maris, which is much like a Carnival cruise ship in quality, but nothing like that in any other way. The Stella Maris then set sail for some crazy atoll, Tubbataha, in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. An atoll is an island that started to grow up from the ocean, but then gave up about one foot short of breaking the surface. Then, in tropical places, coral goes apeshit on the atoll and grows everywhere. Fish like coral and warm places, so they go to atolls for spring break, much like people.

Our dive master’s name was Ivan Drago. He was actually German, but he was muscular, blonde, and if he ever said, “I must break you,” at any point in his life, it was probably during the filming of Rocky IV.

Our ship then parked near the atoll and we scuba dove three to five times every day. Even at night. It was crazy-go-nuts. We saw sharks, sea turtles, octopi, iridescent jellyfish, and more. There were two highlights. One was a hammerhead shark that was nearly as awesome as MC hammer. The second was a giant manta ray. Manta rays and hammerhead sharks are famous for disproving the theory of Intelligent Design because there is absolutely nothing intelligent about their design.

Then we sailed back home. This consisted of 12 hours of rocking back and forth so intensely that I went into the fetal position and promised myself I’d never go on a boat again.*

All in all, awesome trip! Definitely doing it again next spring break!


* Did you ever see that Bugs Bunny episode? The one where the ship rocked one way, and the soup slid towards Bugs, and he took three quick bites. Then the ship rocked the other way, and the bowl slid towards Yosemite Sam, and he took three quick bites. It was exactly like that. I live in a cartoon.

The Thriller Music Video

It's complete. Make sure you watch this so you know the moves for the wedding.

The Time Has Come the Walrus said,

To talk of many things.

Last week we had no classes in the high school. Instead all the kids and teachers were out in the provinces on service trips. Myself and the some students stayed in the village of Tugdaan at a school for indigenous kids. It was really boss, and I should say a lot of inspiring things about how moving it was. Those things would all be true, but I’ll let the pictures speak to that when I get them online. Instead let me comment on how 21 rich city slickers watched how pork goes from being alive to becoming pork chops. I’m pretty sure half the kids became vegetarians. (No worries Gants, not me!)

Upon returning to the city, I ran my longest pre-marathon training run at about 19 miles. It was not very fun. However, you should all be aware that if you are white and running in the Philippines and someone shouts “Hey Joe!” They are speaking to you, because you are representing GI Joe. But, if you actually stop to recite a moral lesson about not hiding in a refrigerator while playing with your friends, and then finish the lesson by saying, “Knowing’s half the battle. Go Joe!” They will stare at you blankly.*

My friend Elaina and I choreographed the thriller dance for the wedding. This consisted mainly of us watching the video, and then telling ourselves how awesome we were. Would a How-To video be useful for you all to practice before the wedding? Don’t say I won’t do it.

* Does anyone know what the hell I’m talking about?

The Manila Marathon - Prelims

I’ve decided I’m going to run a marathon. There’s no backing out now, as I ran 16 miles yesterday. What better place to run your first marathon than Manila? It’s the most humid place on earth and the particular marathon hosted here is technically uphill. (It starts on the bay and follows the river inland). It also starts at 4:30 in the morning. You’d be crazy to not take part in such an enjoyable experience.

The Philippine Marathon

That aside, I’m all in. I’ve been training since about Christmas-time. I won’t bore you with the training schedule, but don’t think for a minute it doesn’t still involve my good friend San Miguel. In my training, I’ve learned a lot about the Philippines. For example, it is illegal to run with your shirt off. When the sun is out here, it gets hot, so I figured I’d just take my shirt off while running through one of the local neighborhoods. I was quickly stopped by an official looking man with a gun.

Guy with Gun: Sir. What are you doing?
Sweaty Ringo: (pause to acknowledge the obvious) Running.
Guy with Gun: You cannot run with no clothes on.
Sweaty Ringo: I have no clothes on?
Guy with Gun: Sir, we have gotten complaints.
Sweaty Ringo: Complaints?
Guy with Gun: You pay a fine sir.
Ringo: (pause, silence)

Here we came to a draw. I had to run with a shirt on because he had a gun. But, he could not extract a bribe, since I obviously had no cash, nor even an identification to confiscate.* So I ran off.

The race is less than a month away, on Feb. 24, so look for race results on the blog sometime then. Until that time, I’ll be running a lot. With clothes on.

* I was not so lucky when pulled over on my motor bike. On that occasion, the policeman rode with me on the back of my motorbike around the corner, where he extracted an exorbitant bribe from me in order to return my driver license.

The Monster Dance

Good news my friends. The wedding of myself and Jen will be really awesome. Here’s why.

We decided that it is not entertaining for the first dance of our wedding reception to be only for the bride and groom to slow dance to whilst Bryan Adams sings “Everything I Do (I Do It for You),” from the hit movie, Robin Hood. We talked to several reputable sources (ourselves) for suggestions, and have concluded there is only one option.

Choreographed Thriller Dance!!!! Woooooooooooooooo! This will be our first dance. It will be involve multiple people.

You love the monster dance? I know you do. And how about that zombie shoulder shrug? It’s in. You want to see bridesmaids and groomsmen in full-on wedding regalia reenacting the greatest video ever? Me too. Done.

Of course this means the rehearsal dinner is now a real rehearsal. Make sure you are stretched out.

Oh yes. June 30th is looking very probably like the day. Please clear your calendars and try to forget that I may have….
A. Missed your wedding.
B. Attended your wedding, and horribly embarrassed you and your parents.
C. Caused several of your past relationships to fail, due to our super-hard-core lifestyle exhibited in Columbia, Kansas City, Denver, St. Louis, Australia etc.

In A Box - Andy Samberg and Justin Timberlake Digital Short

If you enjoyed the Chronic of Narnia 1/10th as much as i did (or 1/1000th as much as Dara), you will like this. Let me know if the link stops working.

Good Night Bangkok

Jen and I are leaving Bangkok tomorrow. I fear that the rest of the world will seem predictable and mundane. This is because i have now seen it all. I realize that you readers would like me to describe the wonders and horrors that I saw. I'm not ready for that. I will need a good deal of time and an equal amount of therapy before i can fully release my mind from the fetal position it is in.

All in all, Bangkok has been fantastic. Jen and I loved it. Recommended for all. Except children. and conservatives. and those with morals.

Now we're back to the the Philippines for a tropical Xmas!

wooooooooooooo.

One Night In Bangkok

Bangkok, Oriental setting
And the city don't know that the city is getting
The creme de la creme of the chess world in a
Show with everything but Yul Brynner

As I'm sure you all know, one night in Bangkok can make a hard man crumble. So just think what an entire week is doing to me.

Currently Jen and I are in Sin City, Thailand. We arrived Saturday and met Jen's former roommate, Lisa, and her husband Tim. This was not a coincidence, as they teach English here in Thailand. However, their hometown is lacking things like go-go dancers, booze, and illegal items, so they were as excited as I was. We all swapped stories and drank beer out of a giant bubble gum machine that they brought to our table. I'll try to include a picture someday. it was awesome.

Next day we saw China town and rode around the river in boats like we were in Miami Vice. We also saw more than our share of dogs humping in the street.

Tim and Lisa had to leave. Jen and I then saw some kick ass temples and buddhas. After cleansing our souls, we bought lots of trademark infringed objects, pirated movies, and other stuff that seemed awesome at the time, but maybe tomorrow won't seem to be the steal that we thought it was.

Today we swapped hotels to something really swank. I celebrated this by buying a T-shirt that said, "Movin on Up" I'm sure this T-shirt was produced illegally. somehow. Tonight the club scene is right near our new hotel, so Jen and I will see if we can make the world our oyster.

One night in Bangkok and the world's your oyster
The bars are temples but the pearls ain't free

Ringo and Craig's Xmas Video

My friend Craig and I were nominated to MC the staff Xmas party here at the International School of Manila. We thus decided to make a documentary video of our preparation for the event. I hope you enjoy it. Special thanks to Kevin for editing. Also thanks to Anna for helping us entertain the people for the remaining 2 hours after our video finished.

My International Music Career

For the first time since the glory of days of KC and KT (Kansas City and Kevin Taylor) I’m in a band. We’ve had many names: The Whatevers, Powergrade, Sexpatriots, etc. I encourage you to offer suggestions. It is made up of my fellow colleagues and me. (Soula, James, Tricia, and Jen Smith) This is fitting, since my social life strictly revolves around colleagues. Good thing it’s a big school, and filled with great people.

So far we’ve had two gigs. The most recent will perhaps explain my school. It was a foam party held at the high school. If I had suggested “foam party” at any public US high school, everyone would picture some freaky-deaky scene from Cancun, and answer with a resounding “No.” Not at ISM my friends.

Not only was there a foam machine, there was also a stage, a slip-n-slide, 4 gazillion dollars worth of sound and light equipment, inflatable decorations, and roadies to set it all up. I’ve never had anyone installing microphones on my drum before. It was the definition of crazy.

Plus, from what I could tell, everyone was sober. And they remained fully clothed. I’m pretty sure that in the US, neither of those two events would have happened.

Crazy.

Anyway, we played cover songs and it was awesome. We did No Doubt, Jet, Green Day, and my personal favorite, Presidents of the United States of America (Peaches). I’m going to celebrate their entire collection. I recommend you do the same.

Trivia Night and the FPA

Assuming we are not on strike or taking shelter from Typhoons, Tuesday’s are trivia nights. Our team name is the FPA. As you should know, that stands for Fist Pumping Action. Which obviously means whenever we get a question right, that we exhibit a ridiculous amount of one handed pumping action. Sometimes both hands if we’re especially riled up.*

This would normally cause us to be hated by other teams. Fortunately for them, we don’t get to fist pump very often, as we are not very good. At least not very good at answering questions. However, we win the costume contest every time. We award this prize to ourselves. This is easy to win since no one else dresses up.

Just in case someone decides to challenge us for the costume prize (hard to do since we are also the judges), we switch up our costume weekly. We have also gone as Golf Pros and Tennis Hos, and The Whig Party to name a few.

action photos!

* I have to give citation to the KC based group known as the Boss Tweeds for giving us the idea of turning trivia into a costumed affair, and specifically to Aaron for bringing fist pumping action back into my life.